Defiled
by bucktooth22
Summary: Bilbo finds out why Azog is labeled "The Defiler," and deals with the trauma while struggling to keep his relationship with Thorin stable. Thilbo Oakenshield Slash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

Azog was called the defiler for a reason and that reason didn't require a subject to be alive. Thorin knew the reason. He also knew Bilbo was of interest to the pale orc, a kind of rare commodity, a rare delicacy that he craved a taste of. He, a brute much too large for the small hobbit, would be thwarted by Thorin at all costs. Thorin, who had been courting the hobbit in a blend of traditions that would make the dwarf king's ancestors cry in shame, kept a close eye on the hobbit, lest he wander off into the pale orc's looming bosom. His nephews did their best to keep Thorin's eyes off his hobbit, and caused as much misfit as they could. Only once did Thorin lose track of the burglar, one horrible miscalculation. Bilbo was gone for days; Thorin frantic and nearly incapacitated with worry did everything he could to find the hobbit. Three days later Bilbo starved and bloody stumbled across their unmoved camp. Kili and Fili who had won the brunt of Thorin's misdirected rage stayed small and hidden, lest Thorin yell at them again. Thorin at once went to envelop Bilbo into his arms, needing to reassure himself that the hobbit was really there. Bilbo's eyes widened and he shrank back from Thorin's advance. Thorin looked hurt but Bilbo's health was more concern so they set about the challenge of food for the starving hobbit. When he had eaten and changed into something less ripped and bloody, nearly everyone else had gone to sleep. It had become apparent that Bilbo was telling no tales of his grand adventure. Bilbo sat and stared blankly into the darkness with Thorin beside him. "Bilbo, please." Thorin said as softly as his gruff voice could be.

"Azog the defiler." Bilbo mumbled. Thorin had already guessed that. "I got away."

"Clever little burglar." Thorin tried his best to sound reassuring.

"Thorin." Bilbo murmured, as if a plea, a cry for help, it sounded so broken, so lost, as if his little hobbit had lost hope before the small creature burst into tears. Thorin didn't know what to do, he wanted to hold the hobbit but he didn't know if the hobbit wanted to be held, or touched at all. Bilbo leaned against Thorin who very slowly put his arms around Bilbo. Bilbo didn't sleep that night; Thorin fell asleep after holding Bilbo a long time.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

The next day Thorin carried Bilbo as they continued their journey. When the sky once again grew dark, and dinner had been cleared, the dwarves fell off to sleep one by one until Bilbo and Thorin were left awake. Kili and Kili, who Bilbo had not seen, were on watch duty. Thorin noted the signs that something was terribly wrong in his head, Bilbo had not smiled, Bilbo had barely touched his food, Bilbo had cringed at being touched, Bilbo had not made eye contact with anyone, Bilbo hadn't slept a wink, and Bilbo had barely spoken. So when Bilbo began to slowly lift his shirt, Thorin grew quite upset. That was until he saw the letters carved into the soft flesh of Bilbo's stomach. Azog marking his pets, his toys, his sex slaves. Thorin was once again overwhelmed with the urge to hug his hobbit who should have never gone through such an ordeal but Bilbo lowered his shirt and scooted a little farther away. Had he lost Bilbo forever? Did Bilbo hate him as much as he, Thorin, hated himself? Thorin doubted it; Bilbo was not capable of that level of hate. Bilbo's hollowed eyes looked at the ground as he put his arms around himself and pulled his legs in close. "Bilbo I am so sorry. I should have protected you." Thorin's broken voice sounded odd in his ears but Bilbo's pointed ears seemed not to have heard, he gave no inclination he had heard Thorin's apology.

"Do you still love me? Even if I'm broken?" Bilbo asked as his dead eyes finally met Thorin's.

"I shall always love you Bilbo. I am sorry this happened to you. If I could take away your pain I would, I would bear it myself if I could. I should have protected you, not let this happen. I just wish I could know what you need. I wish I could know when you need to be held and when you need your space and when you need to talk." Thorin's voice grew frustrated.

"I don't want to talk. I want you to talk. Your voice is soothing." Bilbo said as he shut his eyes and leaned against Thorin.

"What should I talk about? I was so worried when you were gone I nearly went mad. I suppose I shouldn't talk about that. I'll tell you about my home instead. The mines. They are no place for a respectable hobbit like yourself. There's hardly any sunlight. You look so nice in the sunlight. I like the way it catches in your hair." Thorin murmured on as Bilbo leaned steadily more against him until at last the burglar had gone to sleep. Thorin stayed up all night talking, hoping it would keep Bilbo's nightmares at bay and it did.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

The next morning Thorin did his best to hide how tired he was as he trotted alongside Bilbo who was walking on his own today. "Where are Kili and Fili?" Bilbo asked looking up at Thorin whose expression darkened. Bilbo seemed to shrink within himself so Thorin sighed and summoned his nephews. The two looked frightened at being called over by their uncle and king.

"Uncle Bilbo." They bowed quickly.

"Since when have I received a bow?" Bilbo asked with a forced chuckle.

"We wish to formally apologize for our misconduct." Fili said with a baleful expression that was only rivaled by Kili's downright depressed one.

"It was no one's fault but mine." Bilbo smiled kindly which lightened their moods but only slightly as Thorin's glare still pierced them to their core.

"I'm sure Thorin forgives you too." Bilbo said looking up at the dwarf with his eyebrows raised.

"I do not. It was not your fault; it was theirs, and mine." Thorin snarled. The brothers hurried away before their uncle began shouting.

"I don't want to place blame; I just want to pretend none of it was real. I don't want to have to deal with it now. Just let me cope on my own." Bilbo said angrily.

"I just don't want you to think it's your fault." Thorin said. He was trying so hard, he just wanted to help Bilbo. Bilbo was already gone, following Fili and Kili to the end of the procession. Thorin's rage only deepened.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

Bilbo knew it was real. He also knew Thorin was trying his best to help. Bilbo just wished Thorin would stop trying to help. He wanted to be left alone. He wanted to forget. He wanted to leave fear behind. But every time Thorin looked at him, trying to reassure him, Bilbo only saw pain. Bilbo didn't want to cause Thorin pain. He was trying his hardest to make things to go back to normal but every time anyone came too near him he would wince terribly. Whenever they tried to put their hand on his shoulder to reassure him he would flinch so much they would rescind with fearful looks. Bilbo walked at the back of the pack with Kili and Fili usually, trying to avoid Thorin as much as he could. Somehow, the kind's never ending attempts to make Bilbo feel better only made it worse. Kili and Fili acted normally around him and it felt so much better than the others who walked on unseen eggshells around him. They no longer tried to get Bilbo away from the rest of the group but they chatted with him casually. They no longer gave him friendly hair ruffles or ear tweaks but they were normal and for that Bilbo was eternally thankful. Sleeping became a distant memory; the nightmares would wake him if he ever got to sleep. He stayed safely tucked between Kili and Fili for a long time, trying to feel better, trying to act like he was okay.

"You trust us Uncle, yes?" Fili asked looking curiously at Bilbo.

"Yes." Bilbo said suspiciously.

"If you ever want to talk to us about anything, we are here for you." Kili said solemnly.

"I try to pretend it never happened." Bilbo said looking at the dirt ground ahead of them.

"The nightmares that wake you in the middle of the night indicate that that is not working." Fili said.

"It hurts." Bilbo said. He hadn't meant to say it. It just slipped out. He was unaware that there were tears leaking out of his eyes followed by words he hadn't know he was holding in. "I want to be held. I want someone to hold me in their arms and make me feel better but I'm too scared. I'm too scared that the arms will turn into scarred pale arms and I'll wake up back in that horrible place." Bilbo muttered.

"Oh uncle." Fili's face looked so pained and broken. It mirrored that of his brother's.

"Bilbo." Thorin's voice cracked as he very slowly and hesitantly gathered Bilbo into his arms. "I'll never let that happen. You're safe."

"I'm so sorry!" Bilbo sobbed desperately onto Thorin's shoulder. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry." His voice was so broken and scared.

"It was never your fault." Kili said as tears welled up in his own eyes.

"We love you." Fili said as tears dripped off his nose.

"We will never stop loving you Uncle." Kili said.

"We will never let anything happen to you ever again." Thorin vowed. Bilbo sobbed endlessly.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own The Hobbit

It took a long time for Bilbo to stop flinching so violently when other people touched him. It also took a long time for things to return to normal and Bilbo woke up years later still plagued by the occasional nightmare. Things were never quite the same but with Kili and Fili and especially Thorin, not to mention the rest of the company, Bilbo recovered. He was also quite pleased to see Thorin end the pale orc's life. Thorin became king, and Bilbo was his consort, loved by all. Fili and Kili lived with them in the castle under the mountain and helped rule with love, understanding and patience.


End file.
